Honesty & Humility > Performative Christianity
I’ve had the opportunity in recent months and over the course of my Christian walk to get real honest with other believers about my story and my sin. In every case, the Holy Spirit liberates my tongue to speak freely about the unflattering details of my own moral failings. On those occasions, I am able to see more clearly my need for Christ‘s atonement, the Father’s mercy, and the Helper’s guidance. I can weep deeply about my sin, then lift my eyes and praise God that His mercy is more. We never outgrow the gospel; we only grow deeper into it.
Imagine the opposite were true - that I spent my Christian life covering my sin, pretending to be someone I am not, and pointing constantly to myself as an example rather than Christ. I could never be fully honest with anyone about anything, for the fear of man would have gripped me tighter than the fear of God.
When rebuked by a sister in Christ, I might defend, deflect, and blame-shift. When she attempted to bring one or two more witnesses, I might counter-accuse her of sowing discord and gossip. When she told it to the church, I might now view her best efforts to follow Matthew 18 principles as simply attacking my reputation. When others affected by my sin take ownership of their sinful responses, I might latch onto that shred of information as evidence I was innocent all along.
My sin of strategically and belligerently refusing to confess my sins would leave that sister with no other choice but to treat me as a gentile and a tax collector - unsaved and unrepentant. This is how men and women of God become spiritual abusers. They elevate themselves instead of Christ. A once fruitful ministry and relationship turns sour as hostility increases and reconciliation is barred.
What do we do, if by God’s grace the offender finally fesses up? We follow Matthew 18 and enact church discipline. We implement God-given consequences. We partner with God by exposing sin, bringing it to light so that Christ may be glorified, not one man’s reputation. To cover sin “in love” without consequences is not loving at all - it is enabling and perpetuates all prior offenses.
Think of how God didn’t regard David’s reputation. He is not a respecter of persons. He shows no partiality. He does not lie awake at night worrying what will happen if truth comes to light. In Him there is forgiveness of sins, but He allows natural consequences to take their course. These are hard lessons to learn, but the consequences of sin are the offender’s burden to bear, not the hurt ones’ burden to cover up and suffer in silence with no truth and no justice.
In God’s Providence, I have met several hurting sheep over the past year who share eerily similar stories from their own churches. Spiritual abuse (a term so painful I wish it didn’t exist) is a tragically common story. Michael Kruger writes brilliantly on the topic and I’ve come to cherish the comfort he offers in pointing to Jesus, the Good Shepherd. Many are tempted to avoid church altogether after such betrayals, but I am finding the cure for church hurt is worked out by God in healthy churches. No church is perfect - neither in doctrine nor practice, but God is at work in so many places. If you or someone you know has been through this, I’m so sorry. Run to Jesus, for He will never fail. Never disappoint. And run to a healthier church because they do exist.
And above all, be radically honest with yourself, your spouse, and other believers about your sin. Take ownership for the hurts you cause, the relationships you’ve marred, and throw yourself on the mercy of Christ. As much as depends on you, live peaceably with all, in a state of grace toward those you cannot yet forgive even though you are eager and willing.
