Public Sin Requires Public Repentance

I’ve kept a public blog for roughly six years now. My publishing hasn’t been as consistent and regular as I would like it to be, but - I’ve been at this awhile.

And in that time, especially toward the beginning, I received several private rebukes for the harshness of my tone. I thank God for that! I need the body of Christ to hold me accountable and challenge me to be more like Christ.

There was a long period in my life when I tolerated unkindness and harshness all too readily. It was disguised as “tough love” and “speaking the truth.” I considered kindness and gentleness to be a weakness. It was only after Holy Spirit convicted me, through the exhortations of other believers and the study of His Word, that I processed what I had participated in and been led by.

I think every denomination has strengths and weaknesses. In my background - one strength was sound doctrine concerning the doctrines of grace and expository preaching. But one clear weakness - and this is across the denomination, not one particular church, is a tone of arrogance, condescension, unkindness, and harshness. It pervades the teaching of the most loved books and prominent preachers - men and women I admire.

When you niche down your theology, you find a deep sense of comradery but at the same time open yourself up to a new temptation - one of tribalism. When you embrace groupthink on secondary and tertiary issues, and can’t charitably engage with believers who think differently than you, you will likely find yourself exactly where I was: isolated in pride.

Now let me clarify what I mean by the exhortations of other believers. It was not from believers within my own local church or particular theological “camp.” It was believers I knew in person who went to other churches and held slightly different beliefs within orthodoxy. I think that’s important to know, because for every exhortation against my harsh tone, there were several more people who agreed with me, cheering me on for “sticking it to them.” When we agree strongly with someone about something we are susceptible to blindness on how uncharitably we may be expressing that sincerely held belief. There’s a time and a place to be firm and uncompromising. That tends to be my nature - I am a very direct person.

But God used the exhortations of those few believers who were willing to lovingly correct me to show me a better way. It was not their influence only, but also the example of Christian author Phylicia Masonheimer, who similarly struggles with her tone and has publicly corrected herself on that many times. I thank God for her ministry as it has impacted me tremendously.

Now, imagine what would happen if I dismissed those initial exhortations as off-base and listened to the majority who agreed with me not only on the points I was defending but also on the severity of the tone. It would have been easier to disregard the opinions of the few, to carry on with the majority; it would have been easier to puff myself up in pride and think I did absolutely nothing wrong, instead placing all blame on the people who were hurt by my words. That would have been a tragedy. Unfortunately, it’s a common one. I’m grateful for those faithful few who were loving and gracious, but still direct and firm and uncompromising.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Proverbs 27:6

I imagine if I had resisted the rebuke, their stance might have gotten more intense. When we scoff at biblical rebuke, we are in danger of escalating the situation. The people exhorting us have no choice but to give specific examples - we often request it, thinking it will prove our innocence. At that point, we have a choice: we can consider ourselves a martyr, accuse them of gossip, and shift all blame onto them for keeping “a record of wrong.” Or we can take the harder and more holy path of realizing that if everyone else is the problem, it must be me. If three other believers are coming to me about the same thing, it is obvious I am in the wrong. Even though, and I can’t stress this enough, there are many more defending my character and behavior!

This is something I have worked through privately through the years with my blog and I hope that those who have been following for some time can notice the shift and evidence of growing in grace and humility, but unfortunately, the temptation is always with me.

Last year, I made a public Facebook post with a very harsh tone arguing against the “biblical” patriarchy movement I oppose. I’ve written multiple blog posts on this topic and honestly, I need to write more follow-ups to explain my position. But last year I made a very hurtful comment saying those doctrines might produce “quaint Pharisaiacal families” now, but the end fruit is rotten. That was unnecessary and unkind. The reality is there are very many families whom I love and admire, and don’t doubt the sincerity of their Christian faith whatsoever, that I probably hurt with those words (if they read them, that is.) I deeply regret that and I’m very sorry.

I am working towards defending my doctrinal positions charitably and honestly. I still have very serious concerns regarding the rise of the “biblical” patriarchy movement, but I want to engage in a way that is loving, honest, and in good faith. I hope that you will bear with me as the Lord works these things out in my heart continually and I hope you will keep me in check when things get out of line. Please refrain from the counter-opposite temptation to uncharitably nitpick my tone, but I appreciate your input on future blog posts, story shares, etc.