Is Narcissism Really That Common?
There’s a lot of buzz lately around the concept of narcissism. It’s so common that one might wonder if the concept is being overused and overstated. I don’t think it is.
Narcissism is considered a “personality style” and sometimes a full-blown disorder; it is marked by selfishness, entitlement, lack of empathy, and a need for admiration. The concept is based on the legend of Narcissus from Greek mythology.
Narcissus was so painfully self-obsessed that he drowned longing for his reflection. He loved himself so deeply, so fully, he could not connect with others. He was isolated in pride.
He was the ultimate caricature of pride and selfishness. His story reminds me of King Nebuchadnezzar from Daniel 2-4.
Nebuchadnezzar was a great and mighty king, one of the most powerful rulers in all of history. He rebelled against Daniel’s prophetic warning to humble himself and God judged him accordingly, striking him with insanity - he behaved like a wild animal for seven years. When he awoke from his madness, he praised God.
“Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, for all his works are right and his ways are just; and those who walk in pride he is able to humble.” Daniel 4:37
Both Narcissus and Nebuchadnezzar are testimonies to the truth of Proverbs 16:18, that “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
The Bible doesn’t use the exact terminology of narcissism or narcissist, but it does describe this particular vice:
““But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.”
This passage poignantly describes narcissistic behavior. Their egos so puff up these people they cannot be pleased - they are endlessly critical of their children, spouses, friends, coworkers, or congregants. They give but always with a catch, and expect much in return. They keep score. They gossip. They slander. They feign repentance to manage their reputation even though nothing has changed. They are Christians - or they claim to be. The passage says they have an appearance of godliness; in other words, people think they are model Christians at face value. But looking deeper, they deny its power - they are not people of integrity, but religious hypocrites. Only God can search the heart, but the bad fruit does raise concern for their standing before God.
Narcissism is not bound to certain circumstances or lifestyles, like that of kings or celebrities. It is a pattern of the heart and may creep into the most unlikely candidates - parents, pastors, spouses, charity workers, and any seemingly humble person who could inwardly be highly narcissistic in their hearts. Those around may not wake up to this reality for years. When the debris field of damaged, broken relationships finally points to one common denominator, they may realize the problem. As Nathan prophesies to David in 2 Samuel 12, “You are the man!” As in, “You are the guilty one. You can so easily point it out and condemn others, but you are blind to the ways your sins have offended God and harmed others (paraphrase of 2 Samuel 12:1-7).”
The world is more condemning and damning to narcissists than God is - modern psychology says they will never and can never change. I reject that narrative. I believe there is gospel hope for narcissists. The same power that raised Jesus from the dead can change and quicken their hearts to repentance, humbling them in the sight of God and man. I plead with God on my face for Holy Spirit to intervene, to capture the hearts of those ensnared by these sins, and to bring them into a reconciled relationship with God and man.
As long as there is breath in our lungs, there is hope. While we live and breathe, the invitation to repent is open. The gospel is for Christians, too.
“Come, ye sinners, poor and needy. Bruised and broken by the fall. Jesus ready stands to save you full of pardoning love for all. He is able, He is able.”
