Why I Reject the “Stay at Home Daughter” Movement

If you’re familiar with the biblical patriarchy movement, it’s likely you’ve also crossed paths with the “stay-at-home daughters (SAHD)” movement. This centers around the idea that daughters should not leave their fathers’ households until marriage. Essentially, they are expected to submit to their fathers until they can submit to a husband.

The problem is, children are to obey and honor (Ephesians 6:1-3) their parents, not “submit” in the same way a wife is called to submit to her husband (Ephesians 5:22). It’s an entirely different dynamic. For young children, it may go hand in hand. But for adult children, honoring your parents is far more complex. Honor and obey are not the same.

The problem with this movement - and others like it - is, while it may be rooted in good intentions, it goes beyond the Scripture to make a case and often becomes a measure of godliness in the eyes of those who hold to it. Sounds familiar, huh? It’s exactly what the Pharisees did - added to the Law, puffed themselves up about their ability to keep it, and looked down their noses at others.

Having been quite familiar with this movement myself, I can’t say I was shocked when I read the following opinion from The Transformed Wife, a blogger known for her ultra-conservative views.

These statements are so bizarre I actually laughed out loud when I read them. Sadly this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this argument - that Christian women shouldn’t attend college. It goes hand-in-hand with the “stay-at-home-daughters” movement.

First things first: Is there a correlation between women being college-educated and women initiating divorce? Maybe, but for the love of God, correlation does not equal causation. And to present it as such is just plain ignorant.

She also claims that college prepares women for men’s roles. This is truly bizarre. Nowhere in Scripture does it say women shouldn't work outside the home. If you’re thinking of that one place in Titus 2, I previously addressed that misinterpretation in this post. Besides, as an older woman from my church pointed out: some of the same women who hold this view also want female OBGYNs. How on earth are we supposed to have good female doctors we can trust if college isn’t “God’s will for women?” I could go on, but I digress.

So apparently, “[college] isn’t God’s will for women.” That statement alone is nauseating. The Transformed Wife is notorious for elevating matters of conscience to primary doctrine and treating Christians who hold different views as though they are in sin. This is arrogant dogmatism at its worst. It only breeds pride and division in the body of Christ. Who is she to judge another’s servant on something not explicitly instructed in the Bible? Romans 14 addresses this very issue, instructing Christians to be concerned with their own standing before God. If college is a stepping stone to help a woman walk in her God-given calling (which it is for many), then college absolutely is “God’s will” for at least some women.

She claims, “College is a huge trap for women!” with no basis. While I consent college debt can be a huge trap for both men and women if they aren’t careful with their classes and career plans, the trap isn’t higher education itself. I agree that liberal indoctrination at most colleges can be a trap for both men and women if they leave their brains at the door and swallow everything their God-hating professors assert without question.

Let me give a personal example. I was thoroughly versed in apologetics, biblical history, and theology before going to college. I was blessed to have an incredible home church and homeschool community to equip me. This meant when I entered college, I wasn’t shocked by or unprepared for the arguments leveled against Christianity. My goal from day one was to be a witness for Christ. I was tired of my Christian bubble and eager to take the gospel out into the world.

I also had a full-tuition scholarship. To be honest, I went in knowing my “dream job” was to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. And still, my parents encouraged me to take every opportunity afforded me to better prepare myself. A husband and children aren’t guaranteed. Even if someone does marry and have children, who’s to say he will be able to provide? What if illness or death prevents her from staying home? A backup plan is a great thing, even for women desiring to stay home.

So anyway, fast forward a couple of years and I find myself enamored with the firey preaching and teaching of Voddie Baucham - he was new to me and had a profound impact on my life.

After listening to his lecture, “Why I Choose to Believe the Bible,” I decided to memorize his thesis statement:

“I choose to believe the Bible because it’s a reliable collection historical documents written by eyewitnesses during the lifetime of other eyewitnesses. They report supernatural events that took place in fulfillment of specific prophesies, and claimed that their writings were divine rather than human in origin.” - Voddie Baucham

I figured it might come in handy sometime, and I was right. Not long after listening, I was sitting in an elective Anthropology class when my professor decided to openly dismiss the Bible as a myth because of its “origin story” ie the first two chapters of 1,189. I raised my hand and rephrased Baucham’s statement as a question. She turned red and fumbled over her words. Scoffers may scoff, but they can’t refute the truth.

So, here you have a small example of how women can actually be used for the glory of God in a college setting. We can let our light shine in such a way that banishes darkness from “trapping” other victims.

This is what I live for. To know Christ and make Him known. To know the truth and declare it wherever I’m afforded the privilege. Now, the story comes full circle when a while after graduating, my friend informed me that apparently Voddie Baucham, the one I can thank for equipping me for one of my favorite college memories, doesn’t even believe Christian women should attend college*. Yikes. That one was a bit of gut-punch. He appeared in a documentary called “Return of the Daughters” where the SAHD movement is explained and praised.

I’m not going to write a full review of the documentary because quite frankly, I’ve only seen a few clips. But here’s the thing: he actually encouraged his own daughter to pursue an online degree, which she did. It’s apparent that he values his relationship with his children and especially his role to protect his daughter, while also encouraging higher education. And honestly? I don’t see the harm in that. In fact, I see a great deal that’s admirable there.

*At this point, I’m not entirely sure what he believes about Christian women going to college. It sounds like his personal opinions may have been twisted and recirculated as gossip. Besides, that film was made more than a decade ago and people do occasionally change their minds. Maybe one day I’ll ask him for clarification. Until then, I will not cancel him, but continue to thank God for how He has used his preaching to enrich my life as a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ. We may disagree in this area, and that’s fine. It’s not a primary doctrine, though I do believe the SAHD movement is a damaging one.

And, I’ll continue confidently in the assertion that God calls some Christian women to leave their father’s homes before marriage for a variety of good reasons: college, missions, independent life experiences, etc.